'Twas the Night Before Finals

Mike | Friday, April 16, 2010 1 Comment
So I found this original poem, sans a stanza and a half which I jotted tonight, resting in the back of some notebook I must have had at college one year. Although it's not pertinent to me anymore, I'm sure some of you may be feeling the cool sting of finals.

'Twas the Night Before Finals

'Twas the night before finals, the tensions were high,
Some had notes and books piled straight to the sky.
The library was jammed, every book and cranny taken,
Students struggled to find a spot that was even slightly forsaken.

The occasional student ran through the campus,
Their mind was warped, a frightful abyss.
Others just sat down and banged on their head,
In hoping this action would smart 'em up instead.

Some students scratched their head, trying to think,
Wishing they'd rather go out for a drink.
The sighs and the groans from inside a dorm,
As their brains pulsated, trying to transform.

The food store was swarmed with students, bellies weak,
All grabbing Doritos, candy - any junk food they could seek.
The shelves were soon empty, the fervent horde wanted more,
Zombie-like, the gaggle tried going door-to-door.

The professors laughed wildly, the tests have been written,
Their eyes gleaming brightly, knowing some will be smitten.
Back on campus, students finally crash,
After studying like it was the 100-yard dash.

Dreams of the answers float through their mind,
Hoping they can get through tomorrow's grind.
And all 'round the campus, a hush whisper will speak,
"Good luck on those finals, cause they'll all be in Greek."

Step aside, Stephen King

Mike | Monday, April 05, 2010 1 Comment
I'm a writer. I have been a writer for a long time, and chances are I'll always be a writer (unless I accidentally slice off all my fingers on a meat grinder; in that case I'd probably need to switch tactics). Little may you know, I even wrote a whole book series at some point in my youth, each consisting of two sides of a wide-ruled sheet of paper. Yeh, I was just that good.

Now, for your blogging enjoyment (stop grimmacing, it'll be over soonish), may I present both of my two wondrous tales of malice, wonder and fantasy - all published under the series "Dirty Gym Socks." All content is retained in its original format for maximum laughability and self-betterment. Revel in spelling and grammatical errors!
Dirty Gym Socks #1: "The Sour Pickles"

When 16 year old bologna, 16 year old celery, 16 year old yogurt, and 16 year old cookies get together, they rule the Earth and Planet X, Y, and Z. The 16 year old bologna (the most powerful) rule the Earth. The 16 year old celery (the 2nd most powerful) control Planet X. The 16 year old togurt (the 3rd most powerful) control Planet Y. And the 16 year old cookies (the most weak) control planet Z. Their group name are the Sour Pickles because they morph into sour pickles. Their name used to be the sour cucumbers but they got absorbed into a big glass jar full of brine. Their King, David B. Cracker, is now eaten by Weegie, Danny, but used to be a cinnamon ghram cracker. Danny was never a good boy. Two years earlier, he robbed a hotdog stand. Two months earlier than that he stole 1 jumbo pizza with extra cheese. Two weeks earlier than that, he robbed the candy and snack aisle of Eckerd on State Street. Two days earlier that that, he stole all the candy canes in Media.

This shows that Danny was a bad boy and also a fat hog that is also a food-lover. Then the Sour Pickles attacked Danny. First, they waited for the mailman to come. He finally came. They jumped into all the bills for Mr. and Mrs. Weegie and took a ride into a mailslot. When Danny picked up the mail, the Sour Pickles jumped out and attacked. First they got their extra handy moldy hotdogs and tied up the boy then they threw him to the moldless pit of yellow snow. Then everyone went home which was the land of the Dirty Jym Socks. That's what the whole colony named. They lived in a place called Yellow Valley. They eat yellow snow with waste from humans. We are among you. No, actually the 16 year old bologna are among you.

Wow, weren't you just gripped in fear? I know I was. Would the Sour Pickles be able to defeat the evil Danny? Would the humanisticly-named late King David be avenged? Would the introduction of the characters ever end? I may have mentioned yellow snow, but I did not mention poop. Now, for the gripping finale in this unforgettable series...
Dirty Gym Socks #2: "The Moldy Breadcrumbs"

Yep. The Moldy Breadcrumbs. That's our name, don't wear it (or smell) out. We come from an area that dogs used to roam. It had (and still has) snow all over. It is called Yellow Vallley. Our Kings name was David B. Cracker, but he got eaten. Anyway, We morphed Into our Moldy breadcrumbs and invaded New York City. We grew up to 88 miles high and 88 miles wide. We killed the Power Rangers and the beetleborgs for lunch, then chomped down Barney for dinner. We morphed back and put on our Old Spice High Endurance Deoderant under Our armpits. We have to do that every 13 days or our biolectantoo skin layer will come off. Our next mission was to find out more info about the species called homo sapiens (Translation: humans). So we decided to first go to Washington D.C, then Bahgdad, Iraq. In Washington D.C., and important person called the president was what was known as being impeached. We grew up to the size of that leader. He turned around and we are him be shrinking him, splitting him up, and eating him. Then we went to iraq. Amazingly, there was a leader there too. They called him Saddam Heusein. The humans In Washington D.C. called him a madman. He had powerfull weapons known as nuclear weapons and biological weapons. Not as powerful as ours, but still advanced technology. Maybe someday we will get into an intergalactic war. We went back to yellow Valley and put our Old Spice High Endurance Deodarant so we wouldn't lose our skin layer. This has been an exciting adventure for 17 weeks, 4 days, 16 hours, 48 minutes, 32 seconds, and 13 half-seconds. We will now practice our 3 times tables up to 16:

3x1 = 31 // 3x2 = 23 // 3x3 = 333,3 // 3x4 = 4.34 // 3x5 = 35.3 // 3x6 = 363 // 3x7 = 733
3x8 = 88,33 //3x9 = 939 // 3x10 = 10.3 // 3x11 = 113 // 3x12 = 231 // 3x13 = 313 //
3x14 = 134 // 3x15 = 531 //3x16 = 136

Bye Idiots!
Now that was just riveting beyond any level of incomprehension...mostly because it was pretty incomprehensible. I guess we did learn a chunk of info about what was going on in my mind:

  • I assume I was around 12 when I wrote these, with Clinton's impeachment
  • I cared enough about politics to make mention of Saddam (guess he never got that intergalactic war with the Moldy Breadcrumbs)
  • Math was obviously not my forte; but then again I scored higher on that section of the SATs
  • I really had a thing for advertising Old Spice; not once, but twice.

Anywho, that was just a little taste of the bizzare-ocity that oft existed within my cranial capacity. Now don't do stealing my ideas for your own Newbery! =)